I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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