My hand turned me down
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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