the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
