you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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