u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
