Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's Friday. Sex?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
