She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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