Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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