puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
