He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
