the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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