I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
sex in a hospital.. check
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
