I heard we made out
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize