I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize