Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
