I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
