I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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