addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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