He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
