We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
