Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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