Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
