If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
