I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
