If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize