I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize