I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
