I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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