he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
