i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
