i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
