I just pynch a tree in the face
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
