He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
