ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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