Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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