Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
