at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
