when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
