I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
