How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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