Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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