Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
