I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
