Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
