If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
