do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
