Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
