i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
