So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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