After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
