$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
