You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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