oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How does one acquire holy water?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
