Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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