You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
