he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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