Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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