she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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