I have demons in me.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
