So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
