Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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