sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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