How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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